It’s predicted that no-deal Brexit could result in shortages of water/medicine/society. There’s one thing we won’t run out of, though, as we’ve been stockpiling it for decades.
That thing is prominent idiots who misunderstand important issues for money:
The media is good because it allows the country to hear from people who actually understand things. Or it would be, if that’s how we used it. Why would we, though, when we could instead hear Julia Hartley-Brewer ridicule something she overheard two people talking about in a Waitrose queue?
It’s like encyclopaedias – the books nobody likes, because they’re filled with useful information. Imagine if we got rid of all that, and filled each one with Nigel Farage’s used toilet paper? That would be much better, and it’s why radio stations like LBC exist.
But what if we ever run out of these vital sources of hot air? Thankfully, the Brexit minister has a solution.
The twilight clones
The government took Off The Perch to a secret research facility. There, the minister showed us 80 vats – each of which contained a clone of Piers Morgan. He boasted that the clones had a combined IQ of 78.
“There’s a worry that after no-deal Brexit people might begin eating the idiots who sold them this tripe”, a government scientist told us. “That’s why we need some backups.”
Unfortunately, an accident led to the clones being defrosted. It turned out the government ‘scientists’ were all just work experience kids in lab coats. Largely because Daily Mail columnists said Britain is sick of experts, and the government hired accordingly.
Do your bit for independent journalism
Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.
We need you to help out, if you can.
When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.
You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.
In return you get:
- Advert free reading experience
- Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
- 20% discount from our shop