Tories facing an election suddenly very sad about the poverty they caused
With the Tories completely unable to move forwards on Brexit, we could be facing another election. In completely unrelated news, one of the Tories who eagerly voted for austerity has now come out against it.
See ya later, alligators
Heidi Allen MP is on a tour of the country. Her plan is to look at the poor people she helped cause and state:
Oh, well that’s sad, isn’t it.
She also said the word “sob” at one point. And she’s been crying a lot.
In completely unrelated news, she appears to be carrying half an onion with her. She keeps jabbing herself in the eye with it. Maybe she’s trying to wipe away the genuine emotions she’s having?
During a speech in Newcastle, Allen said:
Labour could be in power soon. Maybe they’ll investigate why my party ignored all those UN reports into abuse of disabled people’s human rights? If that happens, I just want it to be very clear that I WAS ONE OF THE GOOD ONES! Look – I’m here – saying that I care about people. I only voted for this nightmare society we’ve created by accident! My finger slipped! I WAS ON KETAMINE!
Read on...
Unbelievable
Some people have suggested Allen may have less than good intentions. As one person noted about Tory MPs:
I can tell they’re lying because they open their mouths.
Featured image via Leigh Bedford – Wikimedia
Get involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
-
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.
Tories facing an election suddenly very sad about the poverty they caused
let’s have a new G.E. in 2019
will sort out or put a stop to the SCAM U-CREDIT mess the Tory Govt is running now that is creating poverty in working families + killing people off by with holding their money illegally now according to our British courts of law.
The Tory party SCAM U-CREDIT cost us taxpayer more money than Labour used in all it time in Offices over 10+years on all benefits paid out A FACT!
The mass amounts of cash ta us taxpayer over spent by Tory D.U.P. MINISTER
is on just trying to over turn the British courts of laws decision the Tory D.U.P. Minister illegally STOPPED the claimants payment.
SO SHOULD BE SCRAPED FULL STOP.
A NEW G.E. in 2019 will see of Tory party removed from power WHY?
1— Not just the reason of their unjust SCAM U-CREDIT problem,
the Tory D.W.P. minister wasting our money taxpayer money.
2– But also Ms May c**** Withdrawal bill that sell out us leave voters
to the E.U. FOR EVERY and we get No say in the problem but still have to pay
the E.U. 27 COUNTRY our BRITISH taxpayer cash WHYMs May?
3–TO ALL Leave voter will we EVER leave in March 2019? NO!
As the truth is Tory govt in power do not want us to leave E.U. 27 country
is this not true Tory party members so you will sell out us leave voter
to get your own tory party way of Not leaving the E.U. EVERY.
you will betray us leave voter full stop Ms May by way of your C***
Withdrawal bill on tuesday 29.1.2019 in H.O.Commons.
This is another reason for a new G.E. in 2019 to stop Tory govt
keeping us tied in the E.U. against our public wisher
a new G.E. in 2019 would stop her C*** Withdrawal bill going into law.