There’s a special place in hell for ‘all Tories’, confirms Satan

On 6 February, Donald Tusk suggested there might be a “special place in hell” for “those who promoted Brexit, without even a sketch of a plan of how to carry it out safely”. While that’s a cheery thought in and of itself, Lord Satan has now confirmed there’s a special place in hell for all Tories.
Burn, baby burn
Speaking on BBC Breakfast, the devil said:
Oh yeah, hell’s full of them. Registering as a Tory MP is like buying a season ticket to the lake of sulphur. Do you think Anna Soubry will get a free pass because she likes visa-free travel in the Eurozone? Have you seen her voting record?
The host asked how another famous Tory woman had been doing in hell – namely Margaret Thatcher:
We actually stopped torturing her recently. It turns out she’s having a bad enough time watching the slow death of her political ideology. Who would have thought everything she stood for would be unsustainable and harmful to everyone but the super rich? Most people, as it happens. That’s why she’s in hell, the bastard.
Bless
Of course, a lot of Tories don’t like the accusation that they might be going to hell. Well – tough. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the Conservative government.
Featured image via Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia / Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia / Think London – Wikimedia / pxhere / Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia / UK Home Office – Wikimedia
Read on...
Support us and go ad-free Support us and go ad-freeGet involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
-
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.