On 11 March, Theresa May flew to Strasbourg to get some last-minute reassurances on her Brexit deal. Going by today’s headlines, you’d be forgiven for thinking she’d done that. But if that’s the case, then why is a very bad smell following her around?
The stench of success
May claims that if we’ve not come up with an alternative by 2020, then we won’t be trapped in the backstop. Even if that were true, what use is that? We’ve not been able to think of a solution in nearly three years – what’s another 21 months going to do?
The PM returned holding her deal up with salad tongs, having wrapped it in a sandwich bag. To everyone there it looked like a packed lunch that had gone feral. It also seemed to be emitting a terrible stench, but May claimed:
That’s just the smell of the European Union. The quicker you agree to my deal, the quicker we get out! Now sign it. Sign it now! QUICK! NO TIME TO READ IT – JUST SIGN!
All’s hell that ends hell
May tried to avoid letting anyone get a good look at her new contract. Despite that, she did eventually have to hand it over to the attorney general. When he looked at it, he confirmed:
Nothing has changed.
A furious May replied:
That’s my line!
She then went on to lose the vote and resign. Unless you’re reading this in the worst timeline, of course; in which case nothing has changed.
Featured image via Averyaudio – Wikimedia
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?