Corbyn refuses to wear golden bikini for Jabba the C*nt

Support us and go ad-free

Intergalactic space slug Jabba the C*nt will visit the UK in June. The slimy invertebrate expects our dignitaries to show him the works. Golden bikinis, in other words. But some politicians refuse to dance down his greasy pole. Jeremy Corbyn is among them.

Slime time

Jabba is known for many things. They include:

  • His fondness for the dark side.
  • Employing a ragtag bunch of horror-creeps.
  • Still not building that wall.

Some called Corbyn a hypocrite. After all, the Labour leader has spoken to several other space monsters. Corbyn himself replied:

That’s true, but I didn’t wear a golden-fucking-bikini for them, did I?

Theresa May has remained silent on the matter. She would. The local elections are coming up, and her strategy is to hope people forget she exists.

Reports have come in that she’s been measured for a golden swimsuit. One aide told us:

She’s not in a position to tell Jabba no. She’s not in a position to tell anyone no. I’m not even sure if she’s PM anymore. She’s basically just a protocol droid, but without the humanity.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free
Dance

Most people can see the difference between discussing state matters with Jabba and doing a lapdance in his honour. The tabloids can’t:

Then again, their editors aren’t technically ‘people’. As far as we can tell, they’re the aliens from the trash compactor. Shit-eating garbage monsters, in other words.

Featured image via Dave Phillips – Flickr (image was altered)

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us
  • Show Comments
    1. I have no problem with taking the piss out of trump big time but I do object to the use of the word c*nt. I know it’s widely used as a term of abuse but as a woman I always find it offensive. Think about the meaning of the word please. Wouldn’t prick or shit do?

    2. I am fairly new to reading The Canary, and generally agree with most of the contents, futhermore, I’m not a prude, but I must agree with the previous comment regarding the use of the word “c*nt” and the other derogatory language used. You do yourself no favours using that language, anyone reading the article in the first place will be more than capable of understanding your feelings without the use of such words. In private, between like minded people it is just about acceptable to use profanities, but I can see why the previous commentator is upset, perhaps refraining from such word usage in the future would gain you more political Kudos.

    Leave a Reply

    Join the conversation

    Please read our comment moderation policy here.