Corbyn refuses to wear golden bikini for Jabba the C*nt

Wilson Belshaw

Intergalactic space slug Jabba the C*nt will visit the UK in June. The slimy invertebrate expects our dignitaries to show him the works. Golden bikinis, in other words. But some politicians refuse to dance down his greasy pole. Jeremy Corbyn is among them.

Slime time

Jabba is known for many things. They include:

  • His fondness for the dark side.
  • Employing a ragtag bunch of horror-creeps.
  • Still not building that wall.

Some called Corbyn a hypocrite. After all, the Labour leader has spoken to several other space monsters. Corbyn himself replied:

That’s true, but I didn’t wear a golden-fucking-bikini for them, did I?

Theresa May has remained silent on the matter. She would. The local elections are coming up, and her strategy is to hope people forget she exists.

Reports have come in that she’s been measured for a golden swimsuit. One aide told us:

She’s not in a position to tell Jabba no. She’s not in a position to tell anyone no. I’m not even sure if she’s PM anymore. She’s basically just a protocol droid, but without the humanity.

Dance

Most people can see the difference between discussing state matters with Jabba and doing a lapdance in his honour. The tabloids can’t:

Then again, their editors aren’t technically ‘people’. As far as we can tell, they’re the aliens from the trash compactor. Shit-eating garbage monsters, in other words.

Featured image via Dave Phillips – Flickr (image was altered)

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  • Show Comments
    1. I have no problem with taking the piss out of trump big time but I do object to the use of the word c*nt. I know it’s widely used as a term of abuse but as a woman I always find it offensive. Think about the meaning of the word please. Wouldn’t prick or shit do?

    2. I am fairly new to reading The Canary, and generally agree with most of the contents, futhermore, I’m not a prude, but I must agree with the previous comment regarding the use of the word “c*nt” and the other derogatory language used. You do yourself no favours using that language, anyone reading the article in the first place will be more than capable of understanding your feelings without the use of such words. In private, between like minded people it is just about acceptable to use profanities, but I can see why the previous commentator is upset, perhaps refraining from such word usage in the future would gain you more political Kudos.

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Wilson Belshaw