Rory Stewart blames his voting record on his opium habit

Image of Rory Stewart wearing sunglasses and smoking opium
John Shafthauer


PM hopeful Rory Stewart has some appeal. Or at least he does to the journos who hunger for Tony Blair 3.0, anyway. The reason he has this appeal is that he looks comparatively bland and blathers on about nothing – exactly the sort of shite the establishment laps up.

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There is a problem, though – namely that his voting record doesn’t match up with his bland nothings. A fact which Stewart is now trying to excuse:

The poppyular vote

Speaking to one of the several thousand journalists he has on speed dial, Stewart explained:

Between 2010 and two weeks ago, I’ve been completely out of my mind on opium. So all the times I voted in favour of austerity or killing disabled people – that wasn’t me – it was the opium voting.

Stewart added:

Hopefully this revelation shows the kids that I’m down with them. Kids still smoke opium, right?

Easy mode

When asked if his alleged opium habit should disqualify him from office, Stewart said:

Things can only get better.

For some reason, this answer came across as adequate to the person interviewing him. This support is unlikely to do him any favours among the people actually voting, though – namely the Tory membership.

Cruelly, the media is giving Stewart the same sort of hope they gave Liz Kendall and Owen Smith – i.e. ‘false’.

Featured image via Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia

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  • Show Comments

    1. Rory Stewart blames his voting record on his opium habit
      Come on this man should Not be in Govt now for lying at front-bech
      to us voter live in H.O.Commons
      He said if Prison serves failed and they have fell to bit now under his
      rule he would resign from Govt Minister post so why his he,
      still a Tory Govt Minister (kick him out of his job A,S,A,P,
      //
      I see he did a slimy one and moved out of the old job into this new job
      so he lied to us voter he failed in the prison serves so should go full stop!
      as he is still in a Minister job just not the prison part of it.
      //
      Now he thinks he is going to be New Prime Minister of Tory party
      GOD HELP US ALL even the Tory party are not that stupid to vote him,
      in as NEW P.M. if they do the Tory party is finished we voter will make
      that clear to them at any G.E. time a FACT! that could happen in NOV 2019
      a new G.E. (we free voter are still working on this date now)

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