Tory leadership hopefuls exceed everyone’s expectations

Everyone knew this Tory leadership competition would be a shitshow. Surprisingly, it’s somehow even shittier than suspected. As such, our next PM will likely be worse than Cameron and May combined.
Daily Mail headline reaction to last nights BBC Tory Leadership Mass Debate “Corbyn left grinning over his lentil stew” 🤣😂😭pic.twitter.com/khrjzJYreU
— ARTIST TAXI DRIVER (@chunkymark) June 19, 2019
Great debate
The ‘debate’ began with a question for front-runner Boris Johnson.
“Hang on a minute,” he said, looking at his phone.
Read on...
A photograph later revealed that Johnson was browsing a site called JugsTube – his fingers covered in what appeared to be fried chicken grease.
“What was the question again?” he asked eventually, before mumbling something about the Boer War.
Gove went next, saying:
Michael Gove is the real challenger in this race. Michael Gove is the one Jeremy Corbyn fears. Michael Gove has the plums! Behold the plums of Gove!
While this went on, Sajid Javid and Jeremy Hunt argued over who was the most forgettable. No one remembers who won. Rory Stewart, meanwhile, sighed and shook his head – pretending to be surprised that his colleagues of over ten years are all total, fucking idiots.
Rory Stewart has gone through every stage of a drunken night out in just 30 minutes. #BBCOurNextPM pic.twitter.com/cNiQXzvLaE
— Niall McGarry (@MrNiallMcGarry) June 18, 2019
No hopers
If we were having a general election, it’s clear that every last one of these dopes would crash and burn. In other words, let’s push for a general election.
Featured image via YouTube – Guardian News
Get involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
-
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.