Tories’ ‘Minister for Hunger’ ready to join the other horsemen

Image of the four horsemen of the apocalypse named after Tory ministers
John Shafthauer

A parliamentary committee has recommended that the government set up a so-called “minister for hunger”. Arguably, we could avoid the creation of such an office by instructing the government to just stop making people hungry. This would involve seeing the wood for the trees, however, and so here we are.

Regardless of why we’re getting this new minister, it will at least add ‘Famine’ to the four Tory Horsepeople.

Apocalypse

The Four Horsepeople of the Conservative Party are:

  • War – the defence secretary: Currently Gavin Williamson – the man known for his ferocious war cry: “Go away and shut up”.
  • Pestilence – the environment secretary: Currently Michael Gove. Also known a ‘The Lancashire Fracker’. Is famously paying men with guns to assassinate badgers to spite the scientists who told him not to.
  • Death – Iain Duncan Smith: The title should really pass on to whoever is running the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP), but so far, no one has managed to prise it from his cold, dead fingers.
  • Famine – the hunger minister: Currently undecided, but might also be Iain Duncan Smith. He once claimed a £39 breakfast on expenses, so he’s exactly the sort of person they’d pick, the rotten bastards.
Retch 22

Creating new ministers to deal with the problems created by other ministers is exactly the sort of nightmare politics we expect from the Tory Party. And yet, we could probably do with such a minister.

Unless their job is primarily just massaging statistics to make it look like hunger isn’t an issue anymore. Which is almost certainly what they’ll do, if every other government office is an indicator.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Viktor Mikhailovich Vasnetsov

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