The Labour party’s ruling National Executive Committee (NEC) today announced the appointment of Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe to oversee the leadership election between Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith. Mr Mugabe will review the processes and procedures of the election to evaluate fairness.
The decision comes at a challenging time for Labour’s NEC, which is fending off criticism for purging high numbers of Corbyn voters in efforts to deliver a win – or at least a more acceptable loss – for coup candidate Owen Smith. Critics suggest that the employment of a bona fide dictator sends the wrong message to those with concerns about the party’s commitment to democracy. But Avin Yuwan, spokesperson for the NEC told Off The Perch:
These concerns are, frankly, racist. The Trotskyite entyists attempting to takeover the party are known for their rampant bigotry, and this is just another example to add to that sorry list.
Mr Mugabe has a long and distinguished history as a leader, a humanitarian and a democrat. He has won 7 consecutive terms in power, leading his country for 36 years. Obviously, that is threatening to people who care more about providing an opposition than leadership. We are thrilled to be working with him.
When asked about the ethnic cleansing of more than 20,000 of his own citizens in the early 1980s, and widespread reports of electoral fraud enabling his continued grip on Zimbabwe, Yuwan responded:
I never expected a fair hearing from Off The Perch, but this is outrageous. This country is crying out for the sort of strong leadership exhibited by men like Mr Mugabe, and women like Theresa May, and all you people do is carp on about ‘human rights’ this, and ‘democracy’ that…
At this point, Off The Perch reminded Mr Yuwan that he was a representative of the Labour Party, and his commendations for Conservative Prime Minister Theresa May seemed inconsistent with that role. The Labour NEC spokesperson promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke, and was replaced by a small cat wearing a sign which read: ‘Look at me, I am adorable.’
We forget what happened next…hmmm, cat.
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?