“I’ll tackle fake-news like I tackled hate-speech”, claims Zuckerberg

The deep fried scotch-egg that is Donald Trump was recently elected to be President of the USA. Since then, the people who failed to predict this outcome have been furiously trying to work out who’s to blame. One of the things they’re blaming is fake-news.

The media currently seems slightly confused as to what “fake-news” is. This means that they’re bundling together everything from paranoid conspiracy-wank, to biased news-shite, to satire. Weirdly, no one seems to be mentioning outlets like The Sun or The Daily Mail though. Although to be fair, their recent #JigGate fantasy probably didn’t have that much of an influence on the already decided US election. Which isn’t to say that it wasn’t complete and total bollocks, obviously.

Thumbs down

It’s easier to blame Facebook than themselves though, and so the media were straight on Skype to that Zuckerberg feller. As usual, the Facebook CEO was very concerned with whatever it was that people were complaining about now.

This is what he had to say on the matter:

I want everyone to know that I’m very concerned about fake-news. Like, really concerned. And any suggestion that Facebook supports one candidate over another is ridiculous. I mean, come on – I’ve got a genius level IQ. Obviously I could see that both of them were terrible.

The next step for us is to look into how we can maybe sort of do something about this. Much like how we maybe sort of did something about hate-speech. Because there’s less of that around now, right? And not just because you’ve un-friended all of your old friends from primary school. It’s mainly because of that, obviously. But not only.

The problem is that most of our server space is currently taken up trying to detect bare female nipples. Those tricksy, tricksy nipples. Always slipping out where they shouldn’t be. God, they disgust me.

Read on...

And as bad as the world seems now, imagine how much worse it would be if we’d spent time combating hate-speech instead of the wretched female body? It doesn’t bear thinking about!”

And in case you’re wondering, this article that you’re reading now is not fake-news.

It’s satire.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed