Following a busy month in which Paul Nuttall discovered seven new planets, won a Brit award, and saved Sweden from an outbreak of invisible incidents, the popular model and physicist has been made an MP.
Or at least that’s what he’s telling people, anyway.
Nuttall (PN) conducted an interview an hour ago with Westminster’s Harvey Bronson (HB):
PN: Alright, friend. I’m here to start my new career as an MP.
HB: And you’re certain of that, are you?
PN: This is the Houses of Pauliament, isn’t it?
HB: Sorry, did you just say Paul-iament?
PN: Yeah, obviously! It’s next to Big Paul.
HB: You mean Big Ben?
PN: As much as I’d like to give you a history lesson about how I magically built this place using only a piece of Jesus’ crucifix and a Philips’ head screwdriver, I really need to be getting in there and politicking!
HB: Look, mate. As the head security guard here, I’ve got a list of all current MPs, and you’re not on it.
PN: Sorry, my press secretary must have written that list and made a mistake. I can only apologise for not checking it. And have her fired in disgrace, obviously.
HB: No. You need to just leave.
PN: I didn’t die in the Bowling Green Massacre to be treated like this!
HB: The only massacre you’ve died in was Stoke last night. And the sooner you get that into your head, the sooner you can move into a role you’re more suited to. Like selling cut-and-shut cars. Or serving as a cautionary tale to schoolchildren.
With Nuttall’s failure to become an MP, many people are asking what next? And also why bother? But mainly just how is UKIP even still a thing?
Featured image via YouTube
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?