British Labour movement infiltrated by British workers

Support us and go ad-free

New Labour did an excellent job of making it seem like it represented a majority of UK citizens. But then the global system broke, and the party opted to bail out the minority of British citizens who were actually responsible for it breaking.

The public reacted as you’d expect – they voted for somebody else.


And then, they rejected three classic New Labour drones in favour of somebody different. And workers of the UK began returning back to the Labour Party.



The reason people gravitated towards Jeremy Corbyn was because he was the only one who was actually saying anything. To find out what New Labour is offering as the alternative to the alternative, Off The Perch (OTP) spoke to the strategist Sebastian Thinkspank (ST):

OTP: So what will you do differently this time?

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

ST: What we plan on doing is coming up with fresh new ideas and providing strong opposition.

OTP: Right, but the previous problem was that you said things like ‘fresh new ideas’ and ‘strong opposition’, but what you actually proposed was f*ck all.

ST: Well, obviously, we’ve got some hard lessons to learn. It’s a constant evaluation process. Stock phrases etc.

OTP: So what new policies are you going to propose?

ST: We think that it’s important to not just be a party of empty words, but a party in government.

OTP: Ah, so you’re going to continue with your ‘don’t mention any policies because voters can’t dislike what we’ve not proposed’ policy. The policy which worked so well for you in the last two elections. And who will be leading this fresh new party?

ST: We’re pretty much interchangeable to be honest. Some of us even have swappable heads.


There’s no two ways about it – Labour is being infiltrated by people who want to fundamentally change the party. And the reason this is happening is because, in its attempt to appeal to everyone, Labour ended up appealing to no one.

You can disagree with Corbyn as much as you like. And you can fantasise about the politicians who couldn’t even beat him magically transforming into a winning opposition. But unless you want to talk about why the ‘centre ground’ failed so badly, then that’s all you’re indulging in.

A fantasy.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed