‘Quick! Before they realise I don’t know what I’m doing!’ says PM

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The current PM has called a general election.

But before that happened, she was overheard making some remarks that shine a light on why it’s happening now.

https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/854276923798761472

Panic!

Earlier in the day, the PM was overheard shouting at her cabinet:

Am I losing it, or does everyone else feel like they have no idea what’s going on?

The cabinet mumbled agreement, prompting May to add:

Well I’m glad you agree, but aren’t you freaked out that the general public aren’t picking up on it? I mean: the NHS is collapsing, Boris Johnson is roaming the world like a bad fart, our Brexit strategy reads like it was torn out of the Yorkshire Ripper’s manifesto, and I haven’t answered a single question in the entire time I’ve been PM! It feels like people should be noticing these things! Are they winding me up, or what?

Read on...

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At that point, Dave Davis suggested that there was so much scandal going on at once that there had been a blockage in the public consciousness. Kind of like when The Three Stooges tried to get through the same door at once, and became wedged in as a result.

He also pointed out that these situations ultimately ended with everything bursting through at once.

May responded by saying:

Oh Christ, then the shit really will hit the fan! We need to hold a General Election – quick! – before everyone realises what a massive fucking mess we’ve made of everything!

https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/854297135466020864

Vote!

Of course, there is some hope. Despite the country still liking Theresa May and the colossal heap of shit that she’s squatting over – like a deranged bird trying to hatch an egg.

And that hope is the young people. Especially when they discover what she has planned for them.

https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/854285853060984832

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr / Screengrab

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