Oh look – there’s Boris Johnson – saying things again. Just like when he said all that other stuff that he never stuck to; or – let’s be honest – never really believed in the first place.
Like most things that Johnson says, though, his comments have come back to bite him on the arse.
It’s important to remember that the EU negotiating team is made up of highly trained negotiators. The UK team, meanwhile, is made up of some guys that Dave Davis found at a bus station.
Saying the EU “should whistle” probably sounds quite funny to the sort of people who still find Boris amusing. And yet, it seems like the EU may do just that.
We spoke to the EU’s lead negotiator to find out more:
Of course, every EU negotiator is trained in the important cultural, physical, and mental fields. I myself am a black belt in karate, a Michelin starred chef, and one of only three people in the world who can rap the theory of general relativity. And, of course, I am an excellent whistler.
The negotiator proved his whistling skills by belting out a melody so beautiful that it literally brought birds down from the sky. A melody so hypnotic that Boris Johnson – who coincidentally happened to be passing by on his Boris-bike – took his wallet out and threw cash at us.
In response, we asked why he thought the UK team was not so highly trained:
Well, not everyone needs to follow the same high standards of negotiation. I understand that your negotiating team saves money by sharing the same pen, which is… I suppose… indicative of a healthy dedication towards thriftiness… I suppose?
Oh no, Bo-Jo
Whatever your opinion of the EU or Brexit is, it’s hard to deny that Boris is anything but a serial bullshitter who makes everything he touches worse.
And also, that if he himself was forced to whistle for his supper, he’d probably blow a raspberry and then choke on his own spittle.
Featured image via YouTube
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?