Trump cancels UK visit after discovering that Teletubbies aren’t real
When Donald Trump cancelled his UK visit, many assumed it was to avoid protests. Primarily because he claimed it wasn’t, and he emits less reality than a funhouse mirror.
It turns out there was another reason, though.
Say hello
A Trump insider, while speaking to one of the access-all-areas reporters who are inexplicably allowed to roam the White House, said that:
Like most stable geniuses, the President likes to unwind during ‘executive time’ with an episode of the Teletubbies. He likes to imagine what it would be like to have a television inside his body. Sometimes I walk in and he’s drawn one on his belly. It’s very… *CLENCHES TEETH*… presidential.
He was watching YouTube to distract himself from a security briefing the other day when he found a video of one of the actors undressing. ‘TINKY WINKY!’ the President screamed. ‘WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO TINKY WINKY!?’
Dummies
The insider continued:
We tried explaining that the Teletubbies weren’t real. ‘Like Tony Blair?’ he asked – having mistakenly come to think that the former prime minister is a creepy, waxwork dummy.
Read on...
Eventually he seemed to get it, but he cancelled the UK visit out of anger. He says that, if there are no Teletubbies in the UK, he’d rather go to Sweden and see the Moomins.
We didn’t have the heart to tell him.
You’re cancelled!
Although the trip cancellation is a huge victory for everyone who isn’t Piers Morgan, it doesn’t mean he won’t come here in the future. Especially if he finds out Harry Potter isn’t real and there’s no chance of him getting quidditched.
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via Flickr
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
