Human rights lawyers are today falling over themselves to stand up for one of society’s most marginalised and downtrodden groups – the Freemasons.
Off The Perch heard one robed and bewigged legal eagle cry: “Won’t someone please think of the Freemasons!” as he hurried past Temple tube.
Until now, the Freemasons have suffered in silence. They are frequently passed over for promotions at work and can even find themselves prosecuted in situations where a non-mason might have got away with a ticking-off. Lacking the opportunities for social advancement that normal people have, many lodge members live with a chronic sense of thwarted ambition.
But all this may now change. The Freemasons are taking a stand, running a full page advert in three national newspapers. The readers of those papers who aren’t yet masons will finally understand what the lodge is all about.
Fundraising! That’s why people become Freemasons. Because as the Presidents Club hoo-hah showed us, as long as you raise money for charity you can get away with anything. It’s also pretty clear that men find it easier to open their wallets when their wives aren’t around. Like almost everything to do with Freemasonry, that’s just common sense.
To help people realise just how normal the masons are, they’ll be running “open evenings and Q & A events”. Curious outsiders will be able to ask absolutely anything apart from the first three questions they all want to ask. “How do you do the handshake?” “What’s the purpose of the handshake?” “Why have a weird secret handshake and then claim you’re not weird and secret?”
Full disclosure: We still haven’t had a response to our request to join the journalists’ lodge. When we chased it up, an official blamed the “Christmas backlog at the post office”.
Featured image via Wikimedia
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?