Calling out Tory bullsh*t is ‘abuse’, claim Tory bullsh*tters

Calling out Tory bullsh_t is ‘abuse’, claim Tory bullshitters
John Shafthauer

Last week, the tabloids openly and aggressively suggested that Jeremy Corbyn collaborated with the Soviet Union. When a Tory MP repeated these claims, the Labour leader threatened to sue him for libel.

And you should know that what Corbyn did is everything wrong with modern politics.

https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/967752662052679680

You can’t even lie through your teeth any more

Off The Perch caught up with the Tory minister of Truth to find out what the craic is:

This is absolutely outrageous. If we’re not allowed to slander our rivals with untruths and falsehoods, then how the hell are we supposed to hold our own?

I must say, this modern thing of idolising the truth puts us at a terrible disadvantage. How will anyone trust us with the economy if we’re open about what a total bollocks we’ve made of it? And you have to ask yourself, what’s next?

Will we be punished for binning our manifesto as soon as we’re elected? Will the prime minister be forced to tell the truth in parliament for fear of being ridiculed by uppity plebs? And will Iain Duncan Smith be made to remove the human skin suit he wears and reveal the true fiend beneath?

Frightening times. It reminds me of North Korea. Because the people there are always saying mean things about the government too.

Pants on fire

Other people have suggested that maybe – just maybe – libel isn’t a legitimate political practice. Although I wouldn’t listen to the people who say that. They’re all dog wankers from what I’ve heard.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia – UK Home Office (image was altered) / Wikimedia – Chris McAndrew (image was altered)

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed

John Shafthauer