Theresa May presents her Brexit plan in the form of a riddle

The government’s Brexit strategy is so murky that it makes the toilet water in Trainspotting look like Highland Spring.

In an attempt to clear up the damage done by her last several speeches, Theresa May has given yet another speech.

Her intentions were transparently opaque.

Let her be clear

The PM said:

There have been some who say my previous attempts to clarify things have not been very clear. Let me rectify that.

May then coughed before continuing:

Riddle me this-

What has regulatory independence but no hard borders?

What’s ridiculed and praised by Boris Johnson depending on which way the wind is blowing?

What will make us a global hub while making it clear that Johnny Foreigner needs to fuck off back to where he came from?

What will allow us to take back control from the elites while simultaneously being a big earner for Jacob Rees-Mogg?

And what’s going to be great for exports but is happening in a country that doesn’t fucking make anything?

As soon as May finished speaking, several of her negotiators began to scream and pull their hair out.

Clarity

If there’s one thing that can be said about Brexit, it’s that sooner or later we’ll probably figure out what it is.

Although by ‘probably’, what I actually mean is:

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Featured image via YouTube screengrab