Sticky situation for Brexit as Trump declares trade war on innovative jams

Innovative jams
Support us and go ad-free

One of the best reasons for leaving the EU is that it gives us a chance to strike up new trade deals. Especially as Donald Trump is in power – a generous man who’s known for making deals that benefit both himself and the person he’s dealing with.

Unexpectedly, though, President Trump has announced a trade war. And while it seems we’d be spared from harm (as we don’t really make anything), the orange menace is going after the one thing we excel at:

Tweet from the department for international trade talking about innovative jams

Jammy bastards

Theresa May told Trump about our innovative jams on her last stateside visit. The president either forgot about this or actively chose not to remember, though, as he later tweeted:

People say I ideas smartly. Well here’s one for you – impotent jams. I don’t know what they are, but they’re going to be big #OranginalThinking.

When May called Trump to ask him what was going on, he accused us of stealing his idea and shouted:

TRADE WAR!

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Celebrity demagogue-boot-licker Nigel Farage leapt to America’s defence to show how patriotic he is:

Kick out the jams

The problem is that America does not in fact make innovative jams. Not in the sense that we do anyway, as what we call ‘jam’ is what they call ‘jelly’, and what they call a ‘jam’ is a drawn-out musical break.

As such, President Trump ordered that funk legend James Brown be Frankensteined and made to groove until such a time that our economy is destroyed. A move which left jingoist flag-licker Nigel Farage dribbling and twitching his leg.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Pexels

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed