Sticky situation for Brexit as Trump declares trade war on innovative jams
One of the best reasons for leaving the EU is that it gives us a chance to strike up new trade deals. Especially as Donald Trump is in power – a generous man who’s known for making deals that benefit both himself and the person he’s dealing with.
Unexpectedly, though, President Trump has announced a trade war. And while it seems we’d be spared from harm (as we don’t really make anything), the orange menace is going after the one thing we excel at:
Jammy bastards
Theresa May told Trump about our innovative jams on her last stateside visit. The president either forgot about this or actively chose not to remember, though, as he later tweeted:
People say I ideas smartly. Well here’s one for you – impotent jams. I don’t know what they are, but they’re going to be big #OranginalThinking.
When May called Trump to ask him what was going on, he accused us of stealing his idea and shouted:
TRADE WAR!
Read on...
Celebrity demagogue-boot-licker Nigel Farage leapt to America’s defence to show how patriotic he is:
May was always going to take the side of the EU against America. https://t.co/LOIXoiNdk0
— Nigel Farage (@Nigel_Farage) March 4, 2018
Kick out the jams
The problem is that America does not in fact make innovative jams. Not in the sense that we do anyway, as what we call ‘jam’ is what they call ‘jelly’, and what they call a ‘jam’ is a drawn-out musical break.
As such, President Trump ordered that funk legend James Brown be Frankensteined and made to groove until such a time that our economy is destroyed. A move which left jingoist flag-licker Nigel Farage dribbling and twitching his leg.
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via Pexels
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
