Media accuses the public of treachery for questioning Boris Johnson’s lies

Boris Johnson surrounded by people with pitchforks
Support us and go ad-free

Depending on who you listen to, Jeremy Corbyn said that either:

  1. We shouldn’t rush ahead of the evidence with the Skripal poisoning.
  2. We should lay down and expose our soft bellies to our new Soviet overlords – Hail Stalin!

One reason not to rush ahead of the evidence is that said ‘evidence’ might be wrong. Especially when said evidence is literally made up, as was the case with Boris Johnson’s claim that Porton Down scientists told him:

It was Russia alright. You could tell by the lingering scent of vodka and anti-Western sentiment.

When actually what they’d said was:

Why are you cackling maniacally and gleefully rubbing your hands together like that?

And obviously this lie is a big problem.

Because even now, some people are refusing to believe it.

Read on...


Of course, there’s a very good chance that Russia did do the poisoning. But just saying that isn’t enough.


It’s a bit like when Big Brother insisted that people believe 2+2=5 in 1984. Except actually, this sum is more:

2 + this number we’re not actually disclosing but can assure you is correct = 579

And this is perfectly fine.

It isn’t the job of the media to question things. And why shouldn’t people trust this benevolent alliance of journalists and politicians? They steered us right on the invasion of Iraq and austerity, after all, so why doubt?

Order 66

Since the 1970s, every British journalist has been fitted with a microchip that activates whenever there’s a sniff of war. Once triggered, the artificial anti-intelligence makes otherwise sensible journalists abandon all rational thought and start banging the nearest war drum.

They are of course completely unaware of this defect in their brains – which is why they’re all so thoroughly shocked when no one seems to trust them.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Think London – Wikimedia (image was altered) / Robert Couse-Baker – Wikimedia (image was altered)

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed