Strong decision-maker joins stable genius’s coalition of competence

Theresa May saying "War means war" and President Trump saying "We're coming for you, Vietnam!"
John Shafthauer

When people look at Theresa May, they think:

There’s a strong and stable person who makes good decisions.

When they look at Trump, they think:

He’s a smart person. Exactly who you’d want wading into Syria – the most complicated geopolitical puzzle since the lesser known Cuban Rubik’s Cube Crisis.

And then they look at Macron and think:

Well obviously Macron wants to tag along. Little Tony Blair wannabe that he is. Insipid little piss-pants.

So what do you get when you combine all three?

THE COALITION OF COMPETENCE

War! Huh!

War is almost inevitable now, as Trump tweeted:

War! What is it good for? Seriously. Who are we fighting again?

And:

EXPECT TO SEE OUR BEAUTIFUL MISSILES SOON, COUNT DRACULA!

And:

The Iraq War got great ratings. They say we should have got the oil too, but you can’t argue with those figures. TELEVISION GOLD!

May was quick to jump on the bandwagon – primarily because Jeremy Corbyn said we shouldn’t, and grown-up politics means doing the opposite of whatever your opponent does.

But there could be trouble ahead.

With or without you

Appearing with Trump, May vowed that the coalition would:

Put Assad and Putin in their place.

Trump looked confused and asked:

We’re fighting against Putin? I thought I was friends with that guy?

When May explained we were against Russia this time, Trump pulled several different faces:

Confused Donald Trump GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

As May continued talking, Trump was seen playing with his phone. At the same time, his Twitter account said:

Some uppity 6-out-of-10 just told me who I’m at war with. No one puts Donny in a corner! LAUNCH THE NIKES!

He then proceeded to hide behind his podium – presumably because he thought a ‘Nike’ launch was imminent.

Axis of arse

It’s hard to imagine how Trump, May and Macron could possibly improve the situation in Syria.

Conversely, it’s very easy to see how they could make things much, much worse.

In other words: fuck.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via The White House – Wikimedia

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed