Rees-Mogg suggests ‘stealing a leprechaun’s magic’ to solve Irish border issue

Jacob Rees-Mogg saying: "I said there'd be a practical solution" and then sniggering in Latin
Support us and go ad-free

So far, the Irish border issue seems to be incompatible with leaving the customs union. That hasn’t stopped the Brexiteers from making some suggestions though. Some of which are merely terrible. Others suggest these people are abusing solvents.

Pip pip

Jacob Rees-Mogg has often been described as a bit of an 18th-century gentleman. But he would likely have seemed backwards even then. And he’s really best thought of as a posh version of the cartoon weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

His ‘ideas’ for the Irish border have included:

  • Saying there’s no issue and hoping that’s true.
  • Fixing it with technology that doesn’t exist (and likely never will if the government’s track record is anything to go by).
  • Questioning how important peace in Northern Ireland actually is.

The latest suggestions include:

  • Capturing a leprechaun and stealing its magic.
  • Building a wall between the two countries and having Mexico pay for it.
  • Cautionary strikes against Mrs Brown’s Boys.
  • Seeing if we can enlist freelance big-picture-thinker Kanye West to ‘figure this all out’.
  • SIMPLY DOING IT ANYWAY! WHO ARE THESE OIKS TO STAND IN THE WAY OF OUR GLORIOUS BREXIT?

Dragged 

Some people say the Brexiteers are dragging us back to the past. That’s simply not true. It’s more like they’re dragging us into a parallel dimension where up is down and all problems can be solved with wishful-fucking-thinking.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via LadyGeekTV – Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed