As the big wedding day looms into inescapable view, there’s only one thing for it. Think of something else to do. Find a way to get yourself out of the house. Doesn’t matter what. Any port in a storm. Just, literally, turn off your TV and go out and do something less boring instead. (© Why Don’t You?)
And here’s Off The Perch to give you a fine, OTP-tested-and-approved list of ten things you could do. And we guarantee they all beat gawping at Huw ruddy Edwards trying to think of things to say for five hours into a cocked hat. Take your pick! Or try them all!
Go motoring in the countryside. You’ll have the roads to yourself.
Set up your own business making bespoke handcrafted artisanal celebration cakes.
Take up a new hobby. Meet people! Preserve tradition! Drink beer!
Happy doggy funtime!
Get fit. You know you’ve always meant to.
Devise novel forms of transport. Just watch out for hills, wind, etc.
Get into some mime gear and pretend you’re hiding in a box. It’s pretty certain that no one will bother you.
Visit Scotland’s least necessary fence. Don’t forget to take plenty of pictures!
Enjoy a walk with friends. Think of it as a metaphor for watching the wedding coverage.
Accidentally cover up that priceless Banksy on your gable end. Oh no! And all because you were just so desperate to do something that didn’t involve having your mind ruined.
Good luck, and post your best attempts using the hashtag #dodgingthatshit.
Disclaimer: Off The Perch accepts no liability for any injury, embarrassment or social exclusion that may occur as a result of following these tips.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.