Off The Perch’s 10 ways to enjoy Royal Wedding Day

People thinking about wedding day fun - OTP
John Ranson

As the big wedding day looms into inescapable view, there’s only one thing for it. Think of something else to do. Find a way to get yourself out of the house. Doesn’t matter what. Any port in a storm. Just, literally, turn off your TV and go out and do something less boring instead. (© Why Don’t You?)

And here’s Off The Perch to give you a fine, OTP-tested-and-approved list of ten things you could do. And we guarantee they all beat gawping at Huw ruddy Edwards trying to think of things to say for five hours into a cocked hat. Take your pick! Or try them all!


Go motoring in the countryside. You’ll have the roads to yourself.

A car being towed off the edge of a muddy road



Set up your own business making bespoke handcrafted artisanal celebration cakes.

A celebration cake with "Congratulations on completeing your jail sentence" written on it in icing



Take up a new hobby. Meet people! Preserve tradition! Drink beer!

A group of morris dancers waving their hankies



Happy doggy funtime!

Man in a protective suit being bitten on the arm by a military attack dog



Get fit. You know you’ve always meant to.

A weightlifter struggling to get both arms straight



Devise novel forms of transport. Just watch out for hills, wind, etc.

Two young men in a homemade land yacht / go-kart



Get into some mime gear and pretend you’re hiding in a box. It’s pretty certain that no one will bother you.

An electrical box by a road, with a mime artist painted on it looking like he's stuck inside



Visit Scotland’s least necessary fence. Don’t forget to take plenty of pictures!

Tourist standing by a length of fence which stretches from nowhere to nowhere across a Scottish moor



Enjoy a walk with friends. Think of it as a metaphor for watching the wedding coverage.

A line of people trudging along a muddy ditch



Accidentally cover up that priceless Banksy on your gable end. Oh no! And all because you were just so desperate to do something that didn’t involve having your mind ruined.

A person finishing painting a large wall white


Good luck, and post your best attempts using the hashtag #dodgingthatshit.

Disclaimer: Off The Perch accepts no liability for any injury, embarrassment or social exclusion that may occur as a result of following these tips.

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Featured image via pxhere / pixabay / maxpixel

Article images via pxhere / Flickr / Wikimedia / Google images / Flickr / Wikipedia / Flickr / maxpixel / US Airforce / Flickr

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John Ranson