The Danny Dyer Inquiry to investigate ‘what’s this Brexit sh*t all about, then?’

Danny Dyer with a halo of stars
John Shafthauer

Despite years of non-stop coverage, most people still don’t know what Brexit is.

In order to get to the bottom of it, an enquiry has been set up. And the person heading it is none other than Eastenders’ Danny Dyer:

Brexit means what?

Lord Dyer has said he wants to investigate the following:

  • What’s all this Brexit shit about, then?
  • Where’s that Cameron twat got off to? Why isn’t he dealing with this fucking mess!?
  • Are these Brexit cunts having a laugh? What do you mean they’ve gone and invested all their own money abroad? You must think I’m a fucking mug!
  • I thought that Jacob Rees-Mogg was a kids’ show about an evil headmaster – why’s everyone listening to this prick?
  • Twat!
  • Boris fucking Johnson – someone needs to sort that wanker out. Nothing violent, mind. They just wanna sit him down and make him eat every bullshit word he’s written about this nonsense.
  • Cunts!
  • Oi – Dave Davis – what going on in your fucking head, son!?
  • Of course Farage is worried about fish – HE IS A FUCKING FISH – JUST LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE!
  • Who the fuck is in charge of this shit!? WHO!? TELL ME FUCKING WHO! I AM SICK OF IT! I AM SICK OF THIS BOLLOCKS AND I WANT ANSWERS RIGHT NOW, YOU FUCKING CUNTS!!!!
  • I need a lie down – this has done my nut in.
  • TWAT!

Official

Although it appears to be transcribed from an unprepared speech, this is actually the inquiry’s official bullet points. It’s widely agreed to be the first sensible investigation into Brexit since the referendum.

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Featured image via Hilton Teper (altered) – Wikimedia

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