NHS preparing for no-deal Brexit by watching The Hunger Games

A double decker bus with: 'EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES!' written on the side
Support us and go ad-free

It’s looking increasingly likely that Britain will crash out of the UK with no deal. Which is weird, because we’re supposedly dead good at negotiating – hence our desire to leave the EU and strike up more deals.

In response, the NHS is already planning for the worst. Namely by watching The Hunger Games and observing what the Tories have already done to the DWP.

Post-apocalypse

A senior planner for the NHS told us:

In the days after the no-deal Brexit, we’re expecting supplies to run short. This will be doubly unfortunate, as we’re also expecting an increase in injuries. Largely because Jacob Rees-Mogg claimed a no-deal Brexit would be a real victory, and idiots tend to get drunk and injure themselves when they’re celebrating.

A few months later, we’re expecting to have no supplies whatsoever. We’ve been preparing for this by training staff in how to use bows and arrows. Our plan is to raid private pleasure cruises for medical supplies when they get too close to the British coast.

If things get even worse, we’ll probably just start wearing cowls and worship an unexploded nuclear bomb. And it probably will get worse, as Jeremy Hunt is still in charge.

Act now

If you’re worried about future NHS shortages, we’d advise getting ill now while there’s still medicine. Especially as so many Brexiteers are using up valuable supplies shooting themselves in the foot.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Diego Torres Silvestre – Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed