Theresa May is the most notorious crop-befouler Great Britain has ever known. Known as the ‘Somerset devil’ or the ‘Sussex scourge’, she famously heads out every summer and tears through fields of wheat.
This year, her devilry has a message.
May’s usual style is total decimation – the same style she’s deployed at the Home Office and Downing Street. This year, she’s been writing messages, which have read:
THEY WON’T LET ME QUIT! THEY PUT A TAG ON ME, AND I GET AN ELECTRIC SHOCK EVERY TIME I SAY SOMETHING WRONG!
JACOB REES-MOGG MAKES ME IRON HIS TROUSERS! ANNA SOUBRY EATS HER KEBABS IN MY OFFICE SO THE SMELL DOESN’T STINK UP HERS!
I CAN’T DELIVER BRAXIT! AT THIS POINT, I CAN BARELY EVEN SPELL IT!
I CONSIDERED DEFILING A PIG’S HEAD TO DESTROY MY REPUTATION, BUT I’M WORRIED NO ONE WOULD THINK ANY LESS OF ME!
I KNOW IT’S HYPOCRITICAL, BUT IF ANY ALIENS ARE READING THIS, I’D REALLY LIKE TO MIGRATE TO YOUR PLANET! THERE’S A HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT DOWN HERE – AND NOT THE GOOD KIND!
When one farmer was asked if he felt sorry for the Somerset devil, he responded by saying:
He further added:
The victims of her many terrible policies have voiced similar sentiments.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via screengrab [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?