Historic Brexit agreement ready to be thrown straight in the bin
After what feels like 200 years, Theresa May has finally cobbled together a Brexit agreement. With that done, Britain can move onto the next stage of the process – throwing her agreement straight into the bin.
Disagree to agree
Speaking to parliament, May said:
You can please some people all the time, and you can please all people some of the time. What you can’t do is deliver a Brexit that people will actually get behind!
It turns out they want either no Brexit at all or a return to the British Empire with magical electronic borders and child labour factories. So here’s my compromise – 500 pages of nothing!
She then proceeded to throw her Brexit agreement in the bin and set fire to it. MPs cheered as it burned, and a dancing May returned to the microphone:
Let this be a lesson to the rest of the world! Britain is open for business, and this is how we conduct ourselves! Come and trade with us or else!
It’s difficult to predict what’s next for Britain. If May remains in charge, it’s likely we’ll follow her Brexit agreement straight into the fucking bin, though.
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via RyGuy – Wikimedia (IMAGE WAS ALTERED)
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.