Tories lose DUP support – fears Satan could go next

Arlene Foster, Satan, and Theresa May
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On Monday 19 November, the DUP failed to honour its Confidence and Supply Agreement with the Conservative Party. This is bad for the government, as the Coalition of Strength and Stability relies on these political mutants.

The fear is that other allies could drop support next.

Coalition

The government is in a loose coalition with the following malevolent entities:

  • The DUP.
  • People who tut in public.
  • Satan.
  • Newspaper owners.
  • The Spice Girls.
  • The monster army on the other side of Jacob Rees-Mogg’s wardrobe portal.
  • Britain’s most racist landlords.
  • Gary Barlow’s accountant.
  • The woman who put a cat in a bin
  • Invertebrates that badgers prey upon.

Obviously, many of these groups can’t abandon the Tories; they’re reliant on them, in fact. But one person who thinks enough is enough is the Prince of Darkness.

In an exclusive interview with Off The Perch, the fallen angel said:

Theresa May’s agreement has brought the nation together in agreement that Theresa May is an absolute chapstick. That’s no good for me. I liked it better when the country was split down the middle. Time to stir the pot!

Strange times

The devil proceeded to stir a small pot he’d brought with him for emphasis. He had several other props too, including a rubber chicken, an Alan Shearer mask, and a sexy postman costume. Turns out the devil is a weird dude.

Read on...

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But yeah – that’s the Tory party anyway – slightly more fucked than it was yesterday.

Featured image via UK Home Office – Wikimedia / Northern Ireland Office – Wikimedia / pxhere / Andrew Dunn – Wikimedia (IMAGES WERE ALTERED)

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