In contradiction to international law, America has stripped Justin Bieber of his citizenship. Because he was in England at the time, that means he’s our problem now.
As you would imagine, the sort of people who think we can strip our own people of citizenship are furious to discover the issue can work both ways.
Since becoming stateless, Bieber has been scrambling around the Cotswolds – singing his terrible songs at anyone who comes close.
Obviously, we Brits shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit. As such, the British Embassy (BE) contacted the USA via a now-leaked Snapchat:
BE: Yo – wtf?
BE: You can’t just strip your worst people of citizenship and expect someone else to clean up the mess!
USA: Oh no? Isn’t that exactly what you did with all your people who went to fight for ISIS?
BE: …you know that’s different…
USA: How so? Were they not born in the UK?
BE: …they were born here…
USA: Oh, so they’re like dual-citizen?
USA: No? so what’s the difference?
BE: Don’t make us say it. You know these Snapchats get leaked all the time.
USA: You need to say it bro, cuz I ain’t getting it.
BE: The ones we banished are brown people, okay? We can make them other brown people’s problem because that’s how it works. Now, are you going to come and get Bieber or what?
USA: Nope lololololol xxoxoxox
Brits are being warned not to approach Bieber, as he’s already gone feral. The official advice is to throw your sandwiches at him from a distance.
Still, although having Bieber on the prowl may be irritating, at least you can be proud to live in a country which shirks its global responsibilities like a deadbeat dad.
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?