In 2016, the United Kingdom (or bits of it, anyway) voted in favour of bringing a unicorn to life. Although the newspapers assured us it would be easy thanks to modern sorcery, it proved to be anything but. Which is why – in late 2018 – Theresa May unveiled a creature that definitely wasn’t a unicorn.
In late December, the PM entered parliament with what appeared to be a unicorn. That’s appeared to be from a distance, anyway. Anyone who got closer realised it was a horse with a Cornetto glued on.
“Unicorn means unicorn,” May responded to the several hundred questions she received.
To be fair, it wasn’t just a horse; it was also incredibly sick. This is why it ended the session by coughing, shitting itself, and then dying.
“Nothing has changed,” May argued, although she did hold off allowing people to vote for this allegedly magical beast.
The neighs have it
A vote was later held – a bizarre spectacle that revolved around May beating the dead horse with the Cornetto we were supposed to believe was its horn. When that vote failed – she brought forwards a second, smellier vote – the horse being in a much more advanced state of decay.
Sadly, for everyone who loves unicorns, the speaker has now said May can’t keep flogging this dead horse. He claims it’s undemocratic to keep defiling its stinking corpse until everyone just relents and says it’s a unicorn.
What a bastard.
Featured image (it’s actually asleep, not dead) via Public Domain Pictures
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?