Union Jack Twitter demands military action over fish


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The French are causing intense anger among people with Winston Churchill as their profile picture. The latest row over post-Brexit fishing rights has also seen the French ambassador summoned to explain after a trawler was impounded.

The Guardian reported that the French are angry the UK will not renew licences. In response, the French have allegedly said they will clog British imports in red tape, ban UK ships from French ports, and stop energy supplies.

A defence source told the paper there had been no request for military support. But they added:

The intention is to calm the situation down, although ships remain ready if the situation were to suddenly escalate

Sptifire Twitter

Union Jack Twitter was very sad about the whole issue. A number seemed very keen to get a war over scallops rolling as quickly as possible.

Nigel “Up The RA” Farage led the way (obviously):

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This morning, a man named Steve with a Labrador as his profile picture (and a Spitfire in his header image) wanted French ships sunk:

Elsewhere, Peter (who loves a pint of ale going off his profile picture), said Boris Johnson needed to sort it out. He also worked in a sad lament that the PM hadn’t sorted out ‘illegal immigration’ like he said he would. How could you, Boris?

The self-appointed People’s Villain, who seems to be living in 1066, offered his own completely normally solution: the Royal Navy should take French trawler crews hostage. Okay, mate:

“Cat lover” Phil (full bulldog/union jack profile picture, enjoys “a little sax”. I mean who doesn’t, Phil?) cut out the middleman and lobbied the Royal Navy directly:

In a much earlier tweet, Phil spoke (probably) for the nation when he said what Britain needed was “Churchill on acid”. Absolutely here for that, to be fair:

Last time out

The last time a Fish-mageddon situation developed was May 2021. At that time, it was reported that an entire flotilla of French ships was headed to UK waters to cause mischief.

Readers may recall the incident culminated in one absolute legend from the local Jersey reenactment society symbolically firing a musket out to sea:

Island of poo?

One can’t help but wonder why people would want fish from UK waters right now anyway given the amount of raw sewage that’s been pumped into the sea under the Tories’ watch.

Nevertheless, it seems there are legions of angry, conservative men over 50 ready to defend our poo-filled waters to their last drop of ale. As long as they can do it via Twitter, obviously.

Featured image – Wikimedia Commons/LA (Phot) Emma Somerfield

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