As corporate crony Keir Starmer made another militaristic speech pandering to the far right, award-winning author Michael Rosen had a hilarious response. A longstanding opponent of injustice, irrationality, and insincerity, he conjured up a pretty accurate alternative transcript of Starmer’s speech.
Leaked transcript of PM's speech. pic.twitter.com/Hv29qUyNAe
— Michael Rosen 💙💙🎓🎓 NICE 爷爷 (@MichaelRosenYes) June 3, 2025
Michael Rosen: grrrrrr!
Rosen was a prominent Jewish defender of Starmer’s predecessor Jeremy Corbyn amid the cynical campaign to weaponise antisemitism allegations against him. He has also been a consistent campaigner for justice in Palestine. And he started his imaginary speech off by highlighting Starmer’s focus on profits for arms dealers and cuts for ordinary people, saying:
I’m announcing that we’re going to be spending a lot more of your money and this is good for the economy, good for growth and good for arms manufacturers.
We’re not spending money in the silly way that Corbyn was going to do – on schools and hospitals – but in good ways. On defence. We all need defence.
Defence is war.
And we’re war ready. Grrrrrrr! That’s how war-ready we are.
Turn to the person next to you and say:
Grrrrrr!
That’s shown that bad man Farage that we’re the patriots round here.
Grrrr!
More bombs!
Grrrr!
“We decide who the bad people are”
Michael Rosen continued, with his very accurate portrayal of Starmer, by clarifying:
It’s a dangerous world but we’re ready to play our part.
And there are some bad people out there.
Now some of you are confused about this.
The point about bad people, is that we decide who the bad people are.
Not you.
Russia – bad.
China – bad.
North Korea – bad.
Iran – bad…Good people:
America
Israel
The Falklands.
Cayman Islands.
And if that still wasn’t clear enough:
Now I just want to say how intolerable things are in Gaza. I am shocked and appalled to the very core of my feet. It’s so intolerable I’m tolerating it.
Michael Rosen: rinse and repeat
The speech finished with a set of some of Starmer’s favourite talking points:
So thank you for listening.
Remember, Britain is British.
It’ll never be an island of strangers on my watch.
My father was a tool-maker.
I’m a Zionist and always will be.
Jeremy Corbyn isn’t a tool-maker.Grrrrrr!
You won’t get such an accurate – and simultaneously hilarious – portrayal of Starmer from complicit TV comedians. And that’s why Rosen is both so refreshing, and a national treasure.
Featured image via the Canary
