• Disrupting Power Since 2015
  • Donate
  • Login
Thursday, May 22, 2025
  • Login
  • Register
Canary
MEDIA THAT DISRUPTS
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
MANAGE SUBSCRIPTION
SUPPORT
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
Canary
No Result
View All Result

UK motorists celebrate being able to drive in miles per gallon again

John Ranson by John Ranson
17 August 2017
in UK
Reading Time: 2 mins read
165 7
A A
0
Home UK
319
SHARES
2.5k
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Finally, after years of having to go everywhere in kilometres, with no idea how much fuel they were using, UK motorists will be able to drive in good old British miles per gallon again.

This popular move is one of a number of benefits from Theresa May triggering Article 50.

For decades, UK drivers have been unable to work out which car to buy, because the fuel economy numbers didn’t make any sense. “I can’t work out whether to go for the 2 litre petrol or the 2.4 diesel”, moaned customer Derek Sierra at a dealership in Croydon.

Nostalgia

Of course, nothing says ‘old-fashioned motoring’ like stopping off at the pub for a few. And from now on, British drinkers will know that their pint is really a pint. Not some euro-half-litre. Unless we adopt the US liquid pint (not to be confused with the US dry pint) which is tiny. This is important because a gallon is eight pints (or ‘a session’). So we need to make sure our British gallons are made of British pints. Not US pints.

Bananas, thank goodness, will be the correct shape. That is, bendy. Or is it straight? And we’ll be able to buy them by the pound, rather than the current insane method of counting how many bananas there are on the bunch.

For larger amounts, such as when ordering coal, the old ways are so much easier. Instead of a 50kg sack (who even knows what that looks like?), we’ll just order a hundredweight. A UK hundredweight (cwt), obviously, is 112 pounds, or about 50kg. For some reason, a US hundredweight is only 100 pounds. A UK hundredweight is eight stone, or about half a rugby player. Nobody else uses the word ‘stone’, but now Article 50 is in the post it’ll once again be legal for British people to say it.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia

Share128Tweet80
Previous Post

Media outlet accidentally exposes the real reason Trump’s latest order is so wrong [TWEET]

Next Post

The British public have been penning their own Brexit Day goodbye notes [TWEETS]

Next Post
Brexit teapot - Now Panic and Freak Out

The British public have been penning their own Brexit Day goodbye notes [TWEETS]

Ruth Davidson Holyrood

The leader of the Scottish Conservatives mocks an SNP rival for having a Scottish accent [VIDEO]

A leaked EU resolution shows Theresa May is fundamentally lying about Article 50 [VIDEO]

A leaked EU resolution shows Theresa May is fundamentally lying about Article 50 [VIDEO]

'Benny Hill theme' Article 50 farce OTP

Air raid sirens playing the Benny Hill theme to celebrate Article 50

One picture from parliament perfectly captures the government’s attitude to your post-Brexit future [IMAGE]

One picture from parliament perfectly captures the government's attitude to your post-Brexit future [IMAGE]

DWP PIP work and pensions select committee
Analysis

A Labour MP on the Work and Pensions committee just threw disabled people under the bus

by Hannah Sharland
22 May 2025
Marc in hospital ME/CFS
Analysis

Autistic man with ME/CFS forced into psychiatric hospital in Ukraine

by HG
22 May 2025
Israel Starmer Macron Netanyahu
Analysis

EXPOSED: Israel itself helped coordinate Starmer and Macron’s supposed attack on it

by Ed Sykes
22 May 2025
Corbyn Nineham STWC
Trending

Rally outside Scotland Yard calls on police to “stop harassing” anti-genocide protesters

by Ed Sykes
22 May 2025
FBU has warned Labour over Nigel Farage
News

The FBU just slammed Farage – and Labour – in one fell swoop

by The Canary
22 May 2025
  • Contact
  • About & FAQ
  • Get our Daily News Email
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy

The Canary
PO Box 71199
LONDON
SE20 9EX

Canary Media Ltd – registered in England. Company registration number 09788095.

For guest posting, contact [email protected]

For other enquiries, contact: [email protected]

The Canary is owned and run by independent journalists and volunteers, NOT offshore billionaires.

You can write for us, or support us by making a regular or one-off donation.

© Canary Media Ltd 2024, all rights reserved | Website by Monster | Hosted by Krystal | Privacy Settings

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password? Sign Up

Create New Account!

Fill the forms below to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion

© 2023 Canary - Worker's co-op.

Before you go, have you seen...?

DWP PIP work and pensions select committee
Analysis
Hannah Sharland

A Labour MP on the Work and Pensions committee just threw disabled people under the bus

Marc in hospital ME/CFS
Analysis
HG

Autistic man with ME/CFS forced into psychiatric hospital in Ukraine

Israel Starmer Macron Netanyahu
Analysis
Ed Sykes

EXPOSED: Israel itself helped coordinate Starmer and Macron’s supposed attack on it

Corbyn Nineham STWC
Trending
Ed Sykes

Rally outside Scotland Yard calls on police to “stop harassing” anti-genocide protesters

ADVERTISEMENT
Analysis
Nathan Spears

Vote for the Press Photograph of the Year 2024

Image by Burkard Meyendriesch from Pixabay
Feature
Nathan Spears

Why Santiago Ways is the Leading Choice for Walking the Camino de Santiago

Environment
Nathan Spears

EU elections point to growing public desire for new policymaking approach in Brussels