• Donate
  • Login
Sunday, June 7, 2026
  • Login
  • Register
Canary
Cart / £0.00

No products in the basket.

MEDIA THAT DISRUPTS
  • UK
  • Global
  • Opinion
  • Skwawkbox
  • Manage Subscription
  • Support
  • Features
    • Health
    • Environment
    • Science
    • Feature
    • Sport & Gaming
    • Lifestyle
    • Tech
    • Business
    • Money
    • Travel
    • Property
    • Food
    • Media
  • SHOP
No Result
View All Result
MANAGE SUBSCRIPTION
SUPPORT
  • UK
  • Global
  • Opinion
  • Skwawkbox
  • Manage Subscription
  • Support
  • Features
    • Health
    • Environment
    • Science
    • Feature
    • Sport & Gaming
    • Lifestyle
    • Tech
    • Business
    • Money
    • Travel
    • Property
    • Food
    • Media
  • SHOP
No Result
View All Result
Canary
No Result
View All Result
  • Editorial
  • Explainer
  • Global
  • Opinion
  • Environment
  • Feature
  • Food
  • Health
  • Science
  • Skwawkbox
  • UK

Analysts predict every single American will be embroiled in a Mexican standoff by 2050

John Shafthauer by John Shafthauer
23 February 2018
in UK
Reading Time: 2 mins read
166 8
A A
0
Home UK
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on BlueskyShare via WhatsAppShare via TelegramShare on Threads

American gun-obsessives have claimed that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

As such, the only logical argument is to make sure everyone is armed and hope the good guys outnumber the bad. Analysts predict this tactic will lead to every single American citizen becoming embroiled in a Mexican standoff by 2050.

Out of hand

Trump and the National Rifle Association (NRA) are currently advising that teachers arm themselves to stop high school shooters. Of course, this will inevitably lead to a teacher losing their cool and shooting a pupil. And as a result, the children will need to be armed to protect themselves from the teachers.

This chain of events will degrade to a point at which everyone needs to be armed – a situation which will be one disagreement away from a mass Mexican standoff.

NRA

The NRA has disputed this claim whilst privately planning for it. According to one leaked report, the NRA is instructing the US senators it owns to:

  • Change the name of ‘Mexican standoffs’ to ‘freedom standoffs’ to increase their appeal.
  • Teach citizens how to perform basic actions with their feet so that they’re able to carry on working despite holding multiple guns.
  • Insinuate that getting shot is a proud American tradition in the vein of great men like Abraham Lincoln, JFK, and Martin Luther King Jr.

Money

If there’s one group that couldn’t be happier, it’s the people who sell guns.

100% ownership may not be enough to satiate their appetite for gun sales though, which is why they’re working on guns that fire tiny guns instead of bullets.

But will that be enough to prevent gun violence?

Only time will tell.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Martin Soulstealer (image was altered)

Share130Tweet81ShareSendShareShare
Previous Post

Media bias is allowing a NATO member to get away with ‘ethnic cleansing’

Next Post

A headteacher’s rant about ‘entitled’ millennials is wrong on so many levels

Next Post
millennials

A headteacher’s rant about ‘entitled’ millennials is wrong on so many levels

Jeremy Corbyn

Czechmate: the real story behind the Jeremy Corbyn 'spy' hoax

G4S Logo

We’ve seen the contract between the UK government and G4S. This explains a lot.

Britain's energy revolution isn't going nearly far enough. We need to make it ours.

Trump's killer logic [CARTOON]

Great march for gaza
Skwawkbox

Sectarians fling racist abuse at N Ireland’s charity Great March for Gaza

by Skwawkbox
6 June 2026
World Cup
Global

World Cup — Water bottle ban sparks controversy

by Alaa Shamali
6 June 2026
israel prison
Analysis

Even eyesight is restricted for Palestinian prisoners in Israel’s tortorous prisons

by Ben Marmarelli
6 June 2026
Orientalism
Explainer

Orientalism — What Edward Said can teach us about the US-Israeli war against Iran

by Tchanguize Mahmoodzadeh
6 June 2026
Palestine
Global

Palestine — Ministry of Health in financial crisis because of ‘Israel’

by Charlie Jaay
6 June 2026

The Canary
PO Box 71199
LONDON
SE20 9EX

Canary Media Ltd – registered in England. Company registration number 09788095.

For guest posting, contact [email protected]

For other enquiries, contact: [email protected]

Complaints and Corrections

About the Canary

Meet the Team

© Canary Media Ltd 2026, all rights reserved | Website by Monster | Hosted by Krystal | Privacy Settings

Ok

Create New Account!

Fill the forms below to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
  • UK
  • Global
  • Opinion
  • Skwawkbox
  • Manage Subscription
  • Support
  • Features
    • Health
    • Environment
    • Science
    • Feature
    • Sport & Gaming
    • Lifestyle
    • Tech
    • Business
    • Money
    • Travel
    • Property
    • Food
    • Media
  • SHOP
  • Login
  • Sign Up
  • Cart