Boris Johnson once described May’s Brexit deal as a “suicide vest”. For some reason, he’s decided to strap this deal on and hit the detonator.
But why?
It couldn’t be… it couldn’t be because blowing the country up will trigger a leadership contest, could it?
Johnson couldn’t really be so hypocritical; so self-centred; so achingly fucking transparent, could he?
Not Boris Johnson!
Yes, Boris Johnson
Johnson granted an interview to Off The Perch. The former foreign secretary showed up ten minutes late – slithering through the window like a snake. Apparently he exudes some sort of slime that allows him to wriggle around in such a fashion.
When asked if he only supported May’s deal to have a shot at becoming leader, he answered:
No – I’m acting in the national interest.
When we pointed out he’d previously said this deal ‘goes against the national interest in a manner unseen since the Black Death’, he assured us that:
Recent discoveries suggest Britons actually loved the Black Death. Apparently it was more of a mild sniffle than anything, and it released the most fantubulous feelings of euphoria.
Pox
We asked if Brexit would be better than the allegedly fantastic Black Death. He responded:
It can’t be any worse.
He then slithered off to vote for the country being so fucked that he has a shot at leading it.
Featured image via Pixabay / Foreign and Commonwealth Office – Wikimedia (images were altered)
