New UKIP leader calls the NHS elitist, PC, health and safety gone mad

Support us and go ad-free

And so UKIP has appointed a new leader. Or at least it has for the next few days anyway. A joke which everyone is frantically trying to make before he actually quits and Farage has to re-re-return.

The new leader is Paul Nuttall, a man who is predicted to do well with working class northerners. As a working class northerner myself, I’d personally rather vote for a robot that was solely designed to shoot electronic tasers at my ****. But the voting figures for the EU referendum do seem to back up this potential groundswell of support. Especially as it’s becoming increasingly clear that Brexit is going to be the key/only topic of interest in UK politics for the next decade or so.

But what are his opinions on that thing which all UK citizens need? Unless of course, they’re rich. Or ‘elite’ if you will. That said ‘thing’, of course, being the NHS.

Meet the new bastard, the same as the old bastard

Nuttall has historically made himself incredibly clear on the NHS. Although he’s since deleted the post. Probably because the likes of Farage and himself have yet to persuade voters on the issue. By which I mean they’ve failed to get in power and force it on people whether they like it or not.

And you’re probably now thinking:

Well, fair enough. It’s clear that privatisation works to give everyone a better service. Just look at… Southern Rail… or the energy companies… and all that they charge in return for this wonderful improvement is considerably more money than before… and… oh… oh no… oh God no!

But America, yeah?

To assess whether privatised healthcare could ever be a good thing, Off the Perch spoke to an expert in the field – one Grant Reaper (GR):

OTP: So privatised health care – they still have that in America, right? Doesn’t it mean that a lot of people can’t afford to be treated? Or that people end up indebted for life? And that somehow, despite all that, the American system still falls behind countries with social health care anyway?

GR: Okay, but without it, where’s the competition? You need competition to keep people competitive. Otherwise, where’s the incentive for health care providers to succeed?

OTP: Are you suggesting that healthcare professionals need rivalry to motivate themselves to prevent people dying?

GR: Well, yeah – obviously. Why else would they care?

OTP: You’re not human, are you? But forgetting that, won’t privatised health care mean that the best practitioners charge the most? And that the poorest patients will be catered for by cost-cutting chancers?

GR: Okay, sure, if you go into detail, it doesn’t look good. Which is why we just repeat phrases like ‘driving competition’ and ‘choice’. Because it gives people the impression that they’ll be the ones choosing. And not that care providers will be given a choice of scam-heifers. Sorry, did I say ‘scam-heifers’? I meant customers.

OTP: Good lord.

GR: And don’t forget the ageing population. Like Paul Nuttall himself pointed out. Privatisation will take care of them in an instant.

OTP: How will privatisation take care of ageing patients?

GR: You get that I’m using ‘take care’ in the figurative sense, right?

OTP: Ah, so you mean privatisation will save us money by pricing elderly poor people out of existence.

GR: *WINKS*

The humanity

And this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t vote for Nuttall. If you believe in all of that UKIP nonsense. Just that you shouldn’t do so unless you’re incredibly wealthy or never expect to get ill at any point in your life.

Unless of course you’re ready to fully embrace post-sanity politics, and say that the NHS is elitist, PC, and health and safety gone mad.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured images via Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed