Missing ‘modern stone-age’ boy found after 45 years when mum Betty spots him on BBC News

Boris is the missing Bamm Bamm OTP
Support us and go ad-free

Anxious parents Betty and Barney Rubble had long given up hope of finding their son Bamm Bamm after he went missing from their Bedrock home in the 1970s. But as Betty tuned into BBC News to see how the UK general election was going, she got a shock. Her son was not only alive, but now the UK Foreign Secretary, going by the name Boris Johnson.


It was the morning of Dec 3 1972, when the Rubbles went to wake their 6-year-old son Bamm Bamm. But the boy wasn’t in his bed, or the house, or anywhere in the Bedrock community. Neighbour Wilma Flintstone said at the time:

It’s just the worst kind of tragedy.

The Rubbles adopted Bamm Bamm when he was left on their doorstep like a bottle of milk. And they’ve grown to love him as much as any parents love their son. He is a real tyke.

He and our daughter Pebbles are inseparable. I literally have no idea how to break it to her that we can’t find him, and don’t know when she can play with him again.

After months of dead ends, the case went cold. The Rubbles and the town of Bedrock were forced to move on with their lives.

But 45 years later, the mystery of missing Bamm Bamm has been solved.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

The BBC News

Betty Rubble could not believe it when she saw her son, 45 years later, speaking as UK Foreign Secretary. She told Off The Perch:

It might have been 45 years, but he has barely changed a bit. That wild white hair, incoherent speech, and his tendency to smash anything breakable to pieces. I knew it in that instant.

I smiled when I saw the look on the Prime Minister’s face as Bamm Bamm, sorry Boris, made some absurd comment and began crashing around the place. The face of an embarrassed but doting mother.

The Rubbles immediately began the process of bringing their son home. After contacting the authorities, DNA tests comparing cells from Bamm Bamm’s toothbrush and that of Boris Johnson were a match. The Johnson family are yet to comment on how Bamm Bamm ended up living in their house, attending Eton and Oxford, and becoming Foreign Secretary.

Prime Minister Theresa May insisted she was only too happy to return the Foreign Secretary to Bedrock. As Bamm Bamm’s plane left Heathrow, May said:

Obviously, we will miss Boris. I mean Bamm Bamm. He of course wished to fulfil his role as Foreign Secretary, but we assured him we would find some way to make things work without him.

At this point the Prime Minister coughed, gave us a pointed look, and left the building.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Desktop-Wallpaperfree / Flickr / Wikimedia / Wikimedia / Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed