Theresa May’s election campaign has been more misjudged than that production of The Lion King On Ice! that used real lions. But she’s finally worked out what people in this country hate most of all – and that’s those hideous human beings and their abhorrent human rights!
Oh, the humanity!
We caught up with some of Britain’s non-human citizens to see what they thought:
Zargon – Sewer Mutant
Man, I hate those humans. Always walking around – having the right to life, liberty, education, free speech, and party.
It’s good to see a politician brave enough to tell people that she wants to treat them like sewer mutants, though. And it’s wonderful to see a media that tells the humans that this is what they should want!
R2-B2 – Robot
PRIME MINISTER HAS RESPONDED TO TERRORIST ATTEMPT TO DESTROY WESTERN VALUES BY PROMISING TO CURTAIL WESTERN VALUES. ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE!
Read on...Support us and go ad-free
Sssecil – Lizard Person
Exsssellent! Firssst we remove the human rightsss, then we remove the human hopesss, then we remove the human organsss and tenderloinsss!
Humanity strikes back!
Many people have pointed out that scrapping human rights won’t actually help us fight terrorism. That Theresa May is actually just trying to draw attention away from her abysmal record. And that she’s basically just using a terrorist attack to go after something she hated anyway.
The only snag is that she has foolishly allowed humans to vote on Thursday 8 June. And it would be a real shame for monsters like her if the humans voted in their own interest.
– Go out and vote on 8 June.
Featured image via John Shafthauer
Do your bit for independent journalism
Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.
We need you to help out, if you can.
When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.
You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.
In return you get:
- Advert free reading experience
- Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
- 20% discount from our shop