Theresa May’s election campaign has been more misjudged than that production of The Lion King On Ice! that used real lions. But she’s finally worked out what people in this country hate most of all – and that’s those hideous human beings and their abhorrent human rights!
Oh, the humanity!
We caught up with some of Britain’s non-human citizens to see what they thought:
Zargon – Sewer Mutant
Man, I hate those humans. Always walking around – having the right to life, liberty, education, free speech, and party.
It’s good to see a politician brave enough to tell people that she wants to treat them like sewer mutants, though. And it’s wonderful to see a media that tells the humans that this is what they should want!
R2-B2 – Robot
PRIME MINISTER HAS RESPONDED TO TERRORIST ATTEMPT TO DESTROY WESTERN VALUES BY PROMISING TO CURTAIL WESTERN VALUES. ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE!
Sssecil – Lizard Person
Exsssellent! Firssst we remove the human rightsss, then we remove the human hopesss, then we remove the human organsss and tenderloinsss!
Humanity strikes back!
Many people have pointed out that scrapping human rights won’t actually help us fight terrorism. That Theresa May is actually just trying to draw attention away from her abysmal record. And that she’s basically just using a terrorist attack to go after something she hated anyway.
The only snag is that she has foolishly allowed humans to vote on Thursday 8 June. And it would be a real shame for monsters like her if the humans voted in their own interest.
– Go out and vote on 8 June.
Featured image via John Shafthauer
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?