May calls for two year Brexit extension to ‘keep this party going!’
Whether you voted to Remain or Leave, I think we can all agree on one thing: that this period – the period right now – when we still don’t know what Brexit will entail and every day is a confused repeat of the last – is pretty fantastic.
As such, Theresa May has called for a two-year Brexit extension. In her own words to:
KEEP THIS FLIPPING PARTY GOING, MOTHER FUDGERS! WOO! LET’S MAINTAIN THIS SHINDIG COMMENCING!
We spoke to some people from across the political spectrum to find out what they thought:
Boland Tump – 49 – Hardcore Hard Brexiteer
EVERY SECOND THAT WE SPEND IN THE EU IS AN OUTRAGE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF UNTIL WE’VE COMPLETED THE ARBITRARY STEP I’VE DECIDED WILL FILL THE VAST HOLE INSIDE OF ME!?
Ellesabeth Fizzy-Pye – 39 – Hardcore Remain
Every second that we spend talking about not staying in the EU is an outrage! I feel like these Northerners will rethink their position when they realise they’ll need a visa to visit Florence in future! Vince Cable could be Prime Minister!
Karen Donnelly – 25 – Remain Voter/Brexit Accepter
This still sounds terrible, but I suppose it gives us time to make it less terrible? Which is something. I guess? Ugh.
Benny Hull – 32 – Can’t Remember How He Voted
Why are we still talking about it? They promised me that the vote would decide it one way or the other! WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT!? DID NO ONE HAVE A PLAN!? STOP MAKING ME TALK ABOUT IT!!!
Of course, there is a chance we could just keep renewing our EU membership every two years. This would obviously bring us all the benefits of being in the EU. And it would also allow the more nationalistic Brexiteers to carry on feeling like the joy they will never experience in their bitter hearts is but a mere two years away.
Although obviously we probably can’t do that, as it would require negotiating. And our negotiating team is currently staffed by David ‘Dave’ Davis, some zero-hour contract teenagers, and the few trained negotiators who haven’t signed off with stress yet.
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via David Mirzoeff/Pixabay/Pexels
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.