Katie Hopkins enjoying her new life as a bitter, jobless has-been

Katie Hopkins enjoying her new life as a bitter, jobless has-been OTP
John Shafthauer

The allegedly once popular hate-monger Katie Hopkins has lost her job with Mail Online. Because even though the news organisation has historic ties to Adolf Hitler, it ultimately decided that Hopkins was a bit much.

But what’s next for the maestro of malice?

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Nobody

The former columnist now spends her days at home – surrounded by copies of the book she’ll never sell. She told Off The Perch:

Being an unemployed nobody isn’t all bad. It gives me more time to spend on my hobbies – like pulling the wings of flies and shouting at cyclists who pass my house – hoping that one of them will fall off their bike.

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It can be challenging, though. You see, I’ve developed a condition called chronic-bileosis. It causes the bile to build up within me. And unless I let it out at regular intervals, I’ll explode.

Hopkins demonstrated this by getting up to hurl insults at a squirrel in her back garden. “I hope you get AIDS and die, you furry cunt,” she shouted at the oblivious creature. “I hope your children get lawn-mowered and pissed on.”

The end

Having exorcised the hatred within herself, the washed-up shite-flinger sat back down – a haunted look on her face. “What have I become?” she asked. “What have I become!?”

“Nobody, Katie,” we told her. “You’ve become a nobody.”

Hopkins attempted to say something controversial to court attention, but her words might as well have been white noise.

We left her like that, anyway – shouting empty obscenities into the wind like an overthrown despot.

And we never thought of her again.

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Featured image via YouTube

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John Shafthauer