Boris Johnson has claimed that reversing Brexit would be “disastrous”. He then proceeded to slip on a banana skin, land on a roller skate, careen down a nearby hill, and crash into a pane of glass that was being carried across the road by two workers.
Thankfully, the glass was cliché-proof, however, and the only damage was to Johnson himself.
Johnson (pictured here accidentally trampling on Wee Jimmy Krankie) said that:
Reversing Brexit would be the biggest disaster since I didn’t become Prime Minister.
He then yelped slightly after accidentally biting his own tongue.
Johnson (pictured here readying himself to punch David Cameron in the back of the head) also said:
Allowing people to change their mind on Brexit would be the biggest betrayal since Michael Gove stabbed me in the back.
The Foreign Secretary was then heard to mumble:
…before I had chance to knife him first.
Liberal (with the truth)
Johnson (pictured here tossing a brick at someone who gave his book a poor review on Amazon) finally claimed that:
Brexit can be a liberal proposition. And anyone who thinks otherwise will be made to see the error of their ways at our brand new re-education camp.
It’s understood that this camp is actually an old Butlins that was purchased by The Daily Mail as part of a tax dodge. It’s since been turned into a theme park – the ‘themes’ of which are ‘nationalism’, ‘hypocrisy’, and ‘frothing at the mouth’.
Some people have seen Johnson’s latest speech as another attempt to show the country that he’s PM material. As usual, though, all he showed is that he’s not even very good at being Boris Johnson.
Featured image via Flickr – Financial Times (image was altered)
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?