Traditional English folk outraged as Grayling ‘rules out 30-mile traffic jams’
The government has admitted it won’t be able to do Brexit properly because it would be difficult and things would take too long.
Transport bigwig Chris Grayling has realised that actually stopping lorries at Dover would mean other lorries having to wait around. As this would hit productivity / profits / bonuses / kickbacks etc, it CAN’T BE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN! Because apart from anything else, it would look bad if Brexit turned out to be bad for the economy.
Dismay
But some people are gutted to be missing out on 30-mile tailbacks. Terry Chestnuts, whose Facebook profile says “STOUT KENTISH YEOMAN – REAL ALE – UNIVERSITY OF LIFE”, led the complaints:
Sitting in queues is one of the things we English do best. Give me ten minutes of stationary traffic and I’ll have a game of five-a-side going on the hard shoulder. 30 minutes and I’ll have made some friends for life. If we’re stopped for an hour I might turn the ignition off. You can’t beat it. Normally, everyone just minds their own business. But the moment there’s a bit of snow or a loose dog running around, we all park up and muck in together. I was looking forward to being able to turn a half hour trip to Dover into a day out.
Slick show
However, not everybody shares Grayling’s confidence that there won’t be traffic chaos. Ken Chisel, from the Institute of Criticism, pointed out:
It’s blatantly obvious what’s going to happen here. The government will make all sorts of promises about automation, computerised tracking, automatic numberplate recognition and the like. But then it’ll outsource it to some clowns like G4S, Capita, Serco or a consortium of former Carillion executives and the whole thing will go tits up. It’ll have all the technical expertise of the millennial railcard launch.
In the worst-case scenario, the area round the channel ports will end up like a scene from a disaster movie. But if we’re lucky, the best of human nature will shine through and Kent will just turn into a massive picnic site.
Read on...
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via Geograph © Copyright John Baker and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
