‘Axis of illegal’ vows unsanctioned strikes against anyone breaking international law

International laws were set up to put an end to global insecurity. They allow us to challenge unconscionable behaviour. For example, if Wales was to invade Brazil, the international community could say:

No. Stop it.

Or if Australia was to trap its citizens in giant hamster wheels that powered the Sydney Opera House, the UN could counter:

Bad, Australia!

But what if warnings aren’t enough?

Or what if you just can’t be bothered moving through proper channels? Because you’re worried you’ll lose the 24-hour news cycle, and you want to strike while the tabloids are hot?

The self-styled ‘axis of illegal’ has worked out the answer to that:

The only way to stop an international criminal is to become an international criminal.

Okie dokie

Some have questioned whether ignoring international laws will somewhat diminish our credibility as upholders of them.

Prime minister Theresa May answered:

Let me be clear, this strike was a strike against targets we deemed strikeable, and the record will show that we struck them.

President Macron said:

This was a reasonable and measured response designed to produce a specific effect.

While President Trump added:

HOLE IN ONE!

I’d like to see Obama have authorised such a beautiful strike! I criticised him and Bush, but now I’m in charge, I see why they like exploding stuff so much. Feels good!

I’m coming for my Twitter opponents next. This means you, Resistance46. You thought your 320 followers would protect you. MISTAKE!

Indecisions

Trump was also asked if the West would be intervening in other matters – say the genocide in Myanmar or the murder of Palestinians in Gaza. He responded:

Maybe. But I worry planning ahead limits my ability to do whatever seems fine in the moment.

The President then proceeded to spend 45 minutes explaining why mayonnaise is ‘communist’, before exiting the room via a broom cupboard.

When his aides checked on him five minutes later, he was found asleep – standing bolt-upright by the mop buckets.

Asked if they were worried by the President’s strange behaviour, May and Macron agreed:

Only when he isn’t bombing somebody.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via pxhere / Raul Mee – Flickr / US Embassy France