Hostile environment sees middle-aged xenophobes deported to Gammon Island

A surprised-looking middle-aged man on a desert island
Support us and go ad-free

There’s a hostile environment in the UK. Namely because the word ‘gammon’ is being used to denigrate xenophobes of diverse socio-economic backgrounds: a situation which allowed the Home Office to deport these poor, poor men to Gammon Island.

Shame

So-called ‘gammon’ have been facing an increasingly tough situation. Some have compared it to the hardships faced by the Windrush generation. One of the affected men told us:

I’ve been ridiculed on the street simply because I said ridiculous things on BBC Question Time. I don’t know who these libtard, snowflake cucks think they are, throwing around bad words online.

Read on...

The interview ended at this point, as the ‘gammon’ began to weep salty tears. It’s unclear if he was upset or just seasoning himself.

Holiday in the sun

Many of the deported men had never even been to Gammon Island. One of our reporters visited it to assess the situation.

What she found were scores of men – many of whom were floating in the sea on giant pineapple rings. One of them – a former bank manager from Kent – had a ukulele. He was singing “We’re gammon” to the sound of Bob Marley’s Jammin’.

“We’re reclaiming the word,” he told us. “And that Bob Marley was OK. I’d respect them more if they were all global mega stars. Although they’re too lazy for that, obviously.”

The former bank manager leaned forwards at that point to nibble some meat that was poking out of his top pocket.

A not so hidden problem

The plight of these men may have gone unnoticed. Thankfully though, a good 80% of our media and political class are registered as citizens of Gammon Island for tax purposes.

In other words, they’re all Gammon citizens by choice.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via 61015 – Pixabay / Ronald Saunders – Flickr

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed