Esther McVey accused of ‘bare-faced bullsh*t’ after declaring the DWP ‘fit for work’

Esther McVey standing with two men dressed as Batman and Robin. She's saying: "I pretend to help people too, lads"
John Shafthauer

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) is many things. Fit for purpose – or ‘fit for work’ – is not one of them. Yet Esther McVey has claimed otherwise.

Bullshit

Suspicions arose when McVey gave a speech about how well the DWP was doing. An analyst from the National Accuracy Office (NAO) told us this:

We suspected something was amiss when she began opening her mouth. When we analysed what she’d said, we realised that we were right to be worried.

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Despite all evidence to the contrary, McVey claimed the DWP isn’t screwing people over on a daily basis. She also insisted that the people in charge don’t secretly love ruining people’s lives. A claim which was particularly egregious, as she was stabbing a voodoo doll while she said it.

When her speech was finished, she smiled and gave a thumbs up. We later discovered that she was using a prosthetic thumb to give the illusion of approval. We also noticed that she’d used sellotape to hold the corners of her mouth up. We’d suspected this anyway, as McVey is incapable of feeling joy unless torturing small animals or handing out sanctions.

A pattern

This isn’t the only time McVey has been accused of deception. It’s not even the only time this week.

You can’t sanction the government for incompetence though. Largely because they’re not being incompetent. As hideous as the DWP is, it’s exactly what they set it out to be.

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Featured image via Rcjewsbury – Wikimedia [altered]

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