Theresa May’s cabinet is in chaos.
And now it isn’t.
Now it is.
And now, the entire cabinet has fucked off, forcing May to round up people from the bus stop (which will at least make a nice change from ministers being rounded up from the gravy train).
Hard to keep up
It’s pretty much impossible to keep up with the government at the moment. And if you think it’s bad for you, how do you think May feels? Other than like an incompetent fraud, obviously.
To speed up the process, May has installed a revolving door and escape slide at Downing Street. Some are worried this doesn’t go far enough. That’s why every cabinet chair is also fitted with an ejector seat and parachute.
The ejector seats are working well, but they don’t solve the problem of getting new ministers in. That’s why Westminster has had a catapult installed to launch MPs directly into their new roles. A system which seems to be working well, although several MPs have unfortunately not been accidentally propelled into the Thames.
Strong and stable
In an attempt to reassure voters, May has come forward to say the uncertainty won’t affect her ability to lead:
I already had no leadership ability, so it’s business as usual at my end.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?