Theresa May’s cabinet is in chaos.
And now it isn’t.
Now it is.
And now, the entire cabinet has fucked off, forcing May to round up people from the bus stop (which will at least make a nice change from ministers being rounded up from the gravy train).
Hard to keep up
It’s pretty much impossible to keep up with the government at the moment. And if you think it’s bad for you, how do you think May feels? Other than like an incompetent fraud, obviously.
To speed up the process, May has installed a revolving door and escape slide at Downing Street. Some are worried this doesn’t go far enough. That’s why every cabinet chair is also fitted with an ejector seat and parachute.
The ejector seats are working well, but they don’t solve the problem of getting new ministers in. That’s why Westminster has had a catapult installed to launch MPs directly into their new roles. A system which seems to be working well, although several MPs have unfortunately not been accidentally propelled into the Thames.
Strong and stable
In an attempt to reassure voters, May has come forward to say the uncertainty won’t affect her ability to lead:
I already had no leadership ability, so it’s business as usual at my end.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Since you're here ...
We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.