Miracle as woman survives ten hours on the Tories’ so-called ‘living wage’

A woman on a stretcher being carried by nurses
Support us and go ad-free

When George ‘economy bro’ Osborne introduced the ‘national living wage’, he:

  1. Took the concept of a ‘living wage’ – the idea that there’s an amount of money a person must earn before they’re not in poverty.
  2. Applied it to a wage that was below this amount.

Despite the fact that it’s impossible to – you know – live off the ‘national living wage’, one woman has somehow managed it.

Although, saying that, lots of people manage it – largely because they have to. This woman was otherwise rich, though, so more worthy of attention.


Camillia Updo relayed the following story of woe:

Due to an error at the advertising company I work at, I was only paid the national living wage for a week’s work – that’s £313! I’d planned on spending that much on Prosecco and tickets to see Mumford and Sons.

I was in the supermarket when I checked my bank balance and realised what happened. It gave me this weird feeling – like I actually had to think about what I was going to spend my money on.

When I subtracted rent, bills, and travel from the £313, I realised I only had £8 left! I asked a shop boy what I could survive on for that little, and he advised beans. I was confused by this, as he pointed me towards some cylinders made of tin. I was later informed that the beans were inside the cylinders, but I’ve so far been unable to liberate them.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

All’s well that pays well

After livestreaming herself trying to open a tin of beans with a rock, Updo received help. This help came from a number of wealthy, middle-class types who decided it was inhumane for an actual, proper person to be living under such intolerable conditions.

Updo is now recovering in an East London cocktail lounge.

Faith in humanity restored.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via British Red Cross – Flickr [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

Support us and go ad-free

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed