Theresa May is between a rock and a hard place when it comes to Brexit. But what if she turned that ‘hard’ place into a ‘soft’ place? What if she constructed a ‘hard Irish border’ out of jelly? And furthermore, what if she’s not been getting enough sleep, and the strain is starting to show?
These are all questions that came up during May’s trip to Northern Ireland.
May began her speech to Northern Irish politicians by saying:
I can’t get my plan through with the backstop; I can’t get it through without the backstop. So that’s that, I suppose – I’m fucked.
Following a sniff of something which smelled like paint stripper, May seemed to have an idea:
Or am I? Did anyone suggest building the border out of jelly? That’s it, isn’t it?!? Let’s have a strong and stable border that’s actually weak and wobbly!
Although this seemed like a semi-good idea by the standard of Brexit proposals, the government couldn’t make it happen. Jacob Rees-Mogg has been stockpiling jelly with the intention of selling it back to the masses. He’s also in talks with Donald Trump who wants to use it for his southern border wall.
On the bounce
Some people have pointed out that building a wall from jelly might not work for other reasons. These people are Remainer scum pushing project fear. People knew what they were voting for in the referendum, and it was borders made of desserts!
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?