Wedding of princess Whatsername unites Brits in epic levels of not-arsedness
On 12 October, princess… err… Whatsername? Got married to… err… Chappy Chapman? Guy Manface? Swain Bloke-Feller?
As a result of this royal wedding, there was a great deal of not-arsedness in the kingdom of Great Britain.
We spoke to one man in the street who said:
He just kind of shrugged and walked off, basically. Another man, however, said this:
Sorry, I’m trying to shrug, but you can’t tell because I’ve just had an operation on my shoulder.
After a lot more shrugging from men and women, we found someone who said:
I saw a bit of the wedding, yeah. It was funny, because pretty much everyone there was on my list of people I’ll eat first when society collapses.
Several more people expressed a desire to eat the royals (or the vapid, celebrity sycophants who hang around them). One woman also said this:
With austerity going on and the climate collapsing, I looked at the royal wedding – and how much it must have cost – and I thought to myself: that money would have been better spent launching these twerps into space.
Wishing for princess Thingummy and Manuel Fellowspouse to be deported was a minority view, however. Most people just really, really weren’t arsed.
Look, no one is saying that forgettable nobodies shouldn’t fall in love and get married. We’re not even saying their weddings shouldn’t cost millions of pounds and feature the most tepid of celebrities. We’re just saying fuck off with making us pay for that shit.
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via YouTube / Public Domain Pictures
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.