Wedding of princess Whatsername unites Brits in epic levels of not-arsedness

The royal wedding with a man shrugging over the top
Wilson Belshaw

On 12 October, princess… err… Whatsername? Got married to… err… Chappy Chapman? Guy Manface? Swain Bloke-Feller?

As a result of this royal wedding, there was a great deal of not-arsedness in the kingdom of Great Britain.

Royal shindig

We spoke to one man in the street who said:

He just kind of shrugged and walked off, basically. Another man, however, said this:

Sorry, I’m trying to shrug, but you can’t tell because I’ve just had an operation on my shoulder.

After a lot more shrugging from men and women, we found someone who said:

I saw a bit of the wedding, yeah. It was funny, because pretty much everyone there was on my list of people I’ll eat first when society collapses.

Several more people expressed a desire to eat the royals (or the vapid, celebrity sycophants who hang around them). One woman also said this:

With austerity going on and the climate collapsing, I looked at the royal wedding – and how much it must have cost – and I thought to myself: that money would have been better spent launching these twerps into space.

Wishing for princess Thingummy and Manuel Fellowspouse to be deported was a minority view, however. Most people just really, really weren’t arsed.

Unseen

Look, no one is saying that forgettable nobodies shouldn’t fall in love and get married. We’re not even saying their weddings shouldn’t cost millions of pounds and feature the most tepid of celebrities. We’re just saying fuck off with making us pay for that shit.

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Featured image via YouTube / Public Domain Pictures

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Wilson Belshaw