Oxford graduate fails basic comprehension test

Despite going to one of the most prestigious universities in the galaxy, Theresa May has the mental flexibility of a tapeworm. Never has this been more obvious than now – when having lost a record number of votes on the same fucking thing – she still thinks she’s right.

The thing is, May is far from the only graduate of an Oxbridge university to have this problem. So what the hell is going wrong?

Privilege

Off The Perch caught up with the head of Oxford University to ask some questions. She told us:

Here at Oxford, we instil our students with the confidence to go out into the world and shape it to their liking.

We asked if they also teach their students how to deal with making mistakes – with getting things wrong.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

We tried to simplify what we’d asked, but she still just looked at us – dumbfounded.

“Are you suggesting our graduates might be wrong about things sometimes?” she asked slowly.

We clarified that we did mean this, and she tossed her head back and laughed.

“Preposterous!” she cried. “If our students had flaws, then they wouldn’t have been born with parents rich enough to send them to Eton!”

Radicalised

Three of our last four prime ministers went to Oxford University, and every one of them was terrible – filled with an unflappable sense of their own correctness despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

So what the hell is going on in these universities?

It’s difficult to say, but we should probably stop treating them like they’re Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Doing so seems to make a lot of students think they’re literally the chosen one.

Featured image via YouTube – Guardian News